Today is my birthday!
You know what that means?
Only 365 days till my birthday!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
6 Days to 24
Presents.
We all want them, but how often do we get them? Twice a year, maybe? That's why it's important to make sure you maximize the amount of presents you get when one of those occasions rolls around. This year I decided to do that by employing a clever strategy... the spirit of competition.
That's right, the Present Contest. This is the first annual Michael's Birthday BBQ Present Contest, and as such, the name of the winner will echo in eternity. Who will claim the First Place title, the prize, and be named World Champion Gift Giver? Be at the party Sunday to find out!
A certain few individuals could not wait until my birthday to share their gifts with me... so the torrent of gifts has already begun!
My parents, aside from helping me afford this absurdly lavish birthday party, bought me this bad boy:
You're looking at the Keurig B30 Mini Personal Single-Serve Brewing System. This bad boy is the top of the line in individual serving coffee preparation. Of course this isn't a picture of mine, which they managed to obtain in a limited edition royal blue color.
Keavy has also buttered me up with some gifts in the past week... while she hasn't made her official entry into the present contest, she's been sucking up to me with the following goodies.
The Marware iPod Touch Convertible Sportsuit. This iPod Touch armband is the slickest, most convenient way to carry your iPod with you on those crazy long runs. As if i needed yet another advantage over Keavy in the running department!
On The Grill ... A book from Williams Sonoma loaded with recipes and suggestions for summertime grilling. MMM!
ANOTHER book on grilling from the hopelessly dorky Bobby Flay!
AND... a whole bevy of grilling instruments, such as a grill brush, tongs, and even a meat thermometer! Looks like no one is getting food poisoning at this party!
And finally, since Andy was disqualified from the present contest, he decided to give me my gift early... AND IT'S A GOOD THING FOR ALL OF YOU THAT HE DID BECAUSE...
ANDY GOT ME A PLEO.
Holy shit if he hadn't been dq'd from the present contest, he would have cleaned up. This really sets the bar high for everyone else.
Good luck all, see you THIS Sunday!
We all want them, but how often do we get them? Twice a year, maybe? That's why it's important to make sure you maximize the amount of presents you get when one of those occasions rolls around. This year I decided to do that by employing a clever strategy... the spirit of competition.
That's right, the Present Contest. This is the first annual Michael's Birthday BBQ Present Contest, and as such, the name of the winner will echo in eternity. Who will claim the First Place title, the prize, and be named World Champion Gift Giver? Be at the party Sunday to find out!
A certain few individuals could not wait until my birthday to share their gifts with me... so the torrent of gifts has already begun!
My parents, aside from helping me afford this absurdly lavish birthday party, bought me this bad boy:
You're looking at the Keurig B30 Mini Personal Single-Serve Brewing System. This bad boy is the top of the line in individual serving coffee preparation. Of course this isn't a picture of mine, which they managed to obtain in a limited edition royal blue color.
Keavy has also buttered me up with some gifts in the past week... while she hasn't made her official entry into the present contest, she's been sucking up to me with the following goodies.
The Marware iPod Touch Convertible Sportsuit. This iPod Touch armband is the slickest, most convenient way to carry your iPod with you on those crazy long runs. As if i needed yet another advantage over Keavy in the running department!
On The Grill ... A book from Williams Sonoma loaded with recipes and suggestions for summertime grilling. MMM!
ANOTHER book on grilling from the hopelessly dorky Bobby Flay!
AND... a whole bevy of grilling instruments, such as a grill brush, tongs, and even a meat thermometer! Looks like no one is getting food poisoning at this party!
And finally, since Andy was disqualified from the present contest, he decided to give me my gift early... AND IT'S A GOOD THING FOR ALL OF YOU THAT HE DID BECAUSE...
ANDY GOT ME A PLEO.
Holy shit if he hadn't been dq'd from the present contest, he would have cleaned up. This really sets the bar high for everyone else.
Good luck all, see you THIS Sunday!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
11 Days to 24
I have a good reason for not blogging over the past couple weeks.
Anyways, as I was deciding not to tell you the reason I haven't blogged over the past couple weeks, it occurred to me how soon my birthday is. Ten days.
TEN DAYS.
Ten!? I have that many fingers. That means each day from here on out, I can lower one finger until all that's left is a single middle finger saying "Fuck you" to the age of 23.
Also, I have decided to start a charity to buy a Segway for an underprivileged individual. This is serious and deserves a moment of your time. A little goodwill, in quantity, can go so far. Please check out the twitter, give a dollar on tipjoy, and smile knowing that you've improved the life of someone deserving.
EDIT:
My good friend Andy pointed out that it is actually 11 days to 24... not 10 as I had previously labeled this post. As a result he is disqualified from the present contest and no longer my "good" friend.
ALSO - I urge you to check back every day leading up to the party. There will be a series of increasingly awesome posts. I can't wait to reveal today's adventure on the blog in the coming days... stay tuned.
EDIT EDIT:
Jesus christ, I have to start proofreading these posts... my whole damn post was about there only being ten days left till the party. Oh well, F it. See you tomorrow.
Anyways, as I was deciding not to tell you the reason I haven't blogged over the past couple weeks, it occurred to me how soon my birthday is. Ten days.
TEN DAYS.
Ten!? I have that many fingers. That means each day from here on out, I can lower one finger until all that's left is a single middle finger saying "Fuck you" to the age of 23.
Also, I have decided to start a charity to buy a Segway for an underprivileged individual. This is serious and deserves a moment of your time. A little goodwill, in quantity, can go so far. Please check out the twitter, give a dollar on tipjoy, and smile knowing that you've improved the life of someone deserving.
EDIT:
My good friend Andy pointed out that it is actually 11 days to 24... not 10 as I had previously labeled this post. As a result he is disqualified from the present contest and no longer my "good" friend.
ALSO - I urge you to check back every day leading up to the party. There will be a series of increasingly awesome posts. I can't wait to reveal today's adventure on the blog in the coming days... stay tuned.
EDIT EDIT:
Jesus christ, I have to start proofreading these posts... my whole damn post was about there only being ten days left till the party. Oh well, F it. See you tomorrow.
Friday, May 1, 2009
23 Days to 24
Oh. My. God.
It's May 1st. I can officially say that my birthday party is later this month. This is both exciting and terrifying... terrifying because there is still so much left to do (buy the rest of the pinatas, a 2nd tent for the roof, submit the ice sculpture design request, etc) but exciting because this is going to be the most insanely awesome birthday party... nay, the most insanely awesome PARTY in the history of mankind*.
If you're wondering why I haven't blogged this week, it's really none of your business. BUT, if you MUST know, it's because we spent the last 3 days working on the single most awesome birthday theme song ever compiled. And here, on May 1st, with 23 days until my landmark birthday celebration, I give you...
I'm On A Roof (ft. K-Pain)
Writing credit goes out to John McTigue. A big thanks to John, Andy Goldfarb and Keavy Landreth for making it happen.
If that song isn't enough to make you want to come to my party, I am going to have you committed to a mental institution... one of those awful ones where they use archaic forms of treatment like electro-shock therapy and sterilization. So if you ever want to have babies, come to my birthday party bitches.
*I specified "the history of mankind" because I'm certain the dinosaurs had some pretty fucking righteous parties in their day... I can't say with any certainty that this will top a dino throw down, but I'm going to do my best to make that happen.
It's May 1st. I can officially say that my birthday party is later this month. This is both exciting and terrifying... terrifying because there is still so much left to do (buy the rest of the pinatas, a 2nd tent for the roof, submit the ice sculpture design request, etc) but exciting because this is going to be the most insanely awesome birthday party... nay, the most insanely awesome PARTY in the history of mankind*.
If you're wondering why I haven't blogged this week, it's really none of your business. BUT, if you MUST know, it's because we spent the last 3 days working on the single most awesome birthday theme song ever compiled. And here, on May 1st, with 23 days until my landmark birthday celebration, I give you...
I'm On A Roof (ft. K-Pain)
Writing credit goes out to John McTigue. A big thanks to John, Andy Goldfarb and Keavy Landreth for making it happen.
If that song isn't enough to make you want to come to my party, I am going to have you committed to a mental institution... one of those awful ones where they use archaic forms of treatment like electro-shock therapy and sterilization. So if you ever want to have babies, come to my birthday party bitches.
*I specified "the history of mankind" because I'm certain the dinosaurs had some pretty fucking righteous parties in their day... I can't say with any certainty that this will top a dino throw down, but I'm going to do my best to make that happen.
Monday, April 27, 2009
27 Days to 24
Less than a month until I turn 24. Holy shit. That is ridiculous. Not because I'm going to be turning 24 (after all, 24 is a bullshit age), but because it means less than a month until my epic birthday celebration.
Maybe you've heard about it? A Rooftop Birthday Barbecue Extravaganza on Keavy's roof... the biggest birthday celebration since December 25th, 0 A.D.
And absolutely everyone is getting ready for my birthday. It seems my earlier fear that President Barack Obama was uncertain about attending was totally unfounded. Say what you will about his politics, but that man has style.
Keavy and I spent the weekend getting ready for my birthday too. We decided that a good place to start would be with the barbecue grill we'd need for the party. Rather than just tell you how it all went down, why don't you take a look.
That's right mother fuckers, we bought a grill. And last night I built that grill... and then I filled it with charcoal and lit it on fire and grilled some kielbasa on it. It was the best thing I've ever tasted, and it was slow grilled over hot coals into which I breathed life. If there are barbecue grills in heaven, than I assure you that god (and the late Bea Arthur, rest her soul) has a Weber One Touch too.
The way I see it, if you're one of those assholes that has rsvp'd "Maybe," than the purchase of this grill is reason enough to finally declare your intention of attendance. If for whatever asinine reason you DON'T come to my party, you will never have the opportunity to taste meat grilled on my barbecue grill. Maybe because I'll hold a grudge... or maybe just because I can't say with any certainty that the grill is going to survive that impending raucous event.
And now, time for a FAQ update!
Q: "Present contest"? Is that some kind of joke?
A: Absolutely not. Rather than asking individuals to contribute alcohol or foodstuffs to the party, I decided that it would be way more fun to provide all of that myself and ask for a mere token in return. And what better motivation to get people to actually bring me presents than to make it a contest?
Q: Is the winner of the Present Contest actually going to win anything?
A: There will be a tangible prize for the winner of the Present Contest, yes. The prize will be revealed on this blog in the coming weeks.
Q: What happened to that hilarious September 11th joke you had up in the last post?
A: That joke was insensitive and hurtful, and I apologize sincerely to the families of those affected.
Maybe you've heard about it? A Rooftop Birthday Barbecue Extravaganza on Keavy's roof... the biggest birthday celebration since December 25th, 0 A.D.
And absolutely everyone is getting ready for my birthday. It seems my earlier fear that President Barack Obama was uncertain about attending was totally unfounded. Say what you will about his politics, but that man has style.
Keavy and I spent the weekend getting ready for my birthday too. We decided that a good place to start would be with the barbecue grill we'd need for the party. Rather than just tell you how it all went down, why don't you take a look.
That's right mother fuckers, we bought a grill. And last night I built that grill... and then I filled it with charcoal and lit it on fire and grilled some kielbasa on it. It was the best thing I've ever tasted, and it was slow grilled over hot coals into which I breathed life. If there are barbecue grills in heaven, than I assure you that god (and the late Bea Arthur, rest her soul) has a Weber One Touch too.
The way I see it, if you're one of those assholes that has rsvp'd "Maybe," than the purchase of this grill is reason enough to finally declare your intention of attendance. If for whatever asinine reason you DON'T come to my party, you will never have the opportunity to taste meat grilled on my barbecue grill. Maybe because I'll hold a grudge... or maybe just because I can't say with any certainty that the grill is going to survive that impending raucous event.
And now, time for a FAQ update!
Q: "Present contest"? Is that some kind of joke?
A: Absolutely not. Rather than asking individuals to contribute alcohol or foodstuffs to the party, I decided that it would be way more fun to provide all of that myself and ask for a mere token in return. And what better motivation to get people to actually bring me presents than to make it a contest?
Q: Is the winner of the Present Contest actually going to win anything?
A: There will be a tangible prize for the winner of the Present Contest, yes. The prize will be revealed on this blog in the coming weeks.
Q: What happened to that hilarious September 11th joke you had up in the last post?
A: That joke was insensitive and hurtful, and I apologize sincerely to the families of those affected.
Friday, April 24, 2009
30 Days to 24
Let me paint you a picture... You're walking around, minding your own business, when all of the sudden you hear about a party. My party. My birthday party.
"So what," you think to yourself, "I've been to birthday parties before."
Fuck you, that's a stupid thing to say because you have NEVER been to a party like this. You are lucky to even have the luck to stumble across the blog for my party because this countdown blog alone is going to be more fun than any birthday party you've ever been to. You think that's hyperbole? Shut up, you don't even know what hyperbole means. Read some books.
Maybe I'm being unfair. At first I was a lot like you. I thought, "Well, it's my 24th birthday, I guess I should throw a party." And so I started to plan a party, totally unsuspecting... and that's when it happened. I planned the party and HOLY SHIT it is going to be mind blowing. I am not exaggerating when I say I am afraid the party might tear a hole in time and space because of how awesome it is going to be.
Because of rampant rumors and speculation regarding my birthday party, I decided to put together a list of Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Is your birthday party going to be inside an apartment or something stupid like that?
A: No, it's going to be on a fucking roof.
Q: What if it rains?
A: It's not going to rain.
Q: Is May 24th your real birthday, or just the date of the party?
A: My real birthday is the following day, May 25th. That's why the fireworks display is scheduled for midnight... to ring in my 24th year. There has been some confusion as to whether my birthday or Memorial Day (a holiday which this year shares the date) is more important, and I think that's stupid because obviously my birthday is.
Q: I heard president Obama was going to the party.
A: That's not a question. If you ended it with, "Is that true?" than it would be a question retard. Also, he hasn't rsvp'd yet, but I'll update this when he does.
Q: Aren't you afraid that being rude to your potential guests is going to affect the turnout?
A: Nope.
Sunday
May 24th
2009
"So what," you think to yourself, "I've been to birthday parties before."
Fuck you, that's a stupid thing to say because you have NEVER been to a party like this. You are lucky to even have the luck to stumble across the blog for my party because this countdown blog alone is going to be more fun than any birthday party you've ever been to. You think that's hyperbole? Shut up, you don't even know what hyperbole means. Read some books.
Maybe I'm being unfair. At first I was a lot like you. I thought, "Well, it's my 24th birthday, I guess I should throw a party." And so I started to plan a party, totally unsuspecting... and that's when it happened. I planned the party and HOLY SHIT it is going to be mind blowing. I am not exaggerating when I say I am afraid the party might tear a hole in time and space because of how awesome it is going to be.
Because of rampant rumors and speculation regarding my birthday party, I decided to put together a list of Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Is your birthday party going to be inside an apartment or something stupid like that?
A: No, it's going to be on a fucking roof.
Q: What if it rains?
A: It's not going to rain.
Q: Is May 24th your real birthday, or just the date of the party?
A: My real birthday is the following day, May 25th. That's why the fireworks display is scheduled for midnight... to ring in my 24th year. There has been some confusion as to whether my birthday or Memorial Day (a holiday which this year shares the date) is more important, and I think that's stupid because obviously my birthday is.
Q: I heard president Obama was going to the party.
A: That's not a question. If you ended it with, "Is that true?" than it would be a question retard. Also, he hasn't rsvp'd yet, but I'll update this when he does.
Q: Aren't you afraid that being rude to your potential guests is going to affect the turnout?
A: Nope.
Sunday
May 24th
2009
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