Let me paint you a picture... You're walking around, minding your own business, when all of the sudden you hear about a party. My party. My birthday party.
"So what," you think to yourself, "I've been to birthday parties before."
Fuck you, that's a stupid thing to say because you have NEVER been to a party like this. You are lucky to even have the luck to stumble across the blog for my party because this countdown blog alone is going to be more fun than any birthday party you've ever been to. You think that's hyperbole? Shut up, you don't even know what hyperbole means. Read some books.
Maybe I'm being unfair. At first I was a lot like you. I thought, "Well, it's my 24th birthday, I guess I should throw a party." And so I started to plan a party, totally unsuspecting... and that's when it happened. I planned the party and HOLY SHIT it is going to be mind blowing. I am not exaggerating when I say I am afraid the party might tear a hole in time and space because of how awesome it is going to be.
Because of rampant rumors and speculation regarding my birthday party, I decided to put together a list of Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Is your birthday party going to be inside an apartment or something stupid like that?
A: No, it's going to be on a fucking roof.
Q: What if it rains?
A: It's not going to rain.
Q: Is May 24th your real birthday, or just the date of the party?
A: My real birthday is the following day, May 25th. That's why the fireworks display is scheduled for midnight... to ring in my 24th year. There has been some confusion as to whether my birthday or Memorial Day (a holiday which this year shares the date) is more important, and I think that's stupid because obviously my birthday is.
Q: I heard president Obama was going to the party.
A: That's not a question. If you ended it with, "Is that true?" than it would be a question retard. Also, he hasn't rsvp'd yet, but I'll update this when he does.
Q: Aren't you afraid that being rude to your potential guests is going to affect the turnout?
A: Nope.
Sunday
May 24th
2009
Seriously dude, you are insane.
ReplyDeleteLove it. I think every hour we should pick someone who is at the party out of one of those lottery selector machines and throw them off the roof to sacrifice them to the party gods... just a thought
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